Is this camping?

I didn’t camp much as a child. My only real memory of camping was a weekend with Uncle Ed and Auntie Rita at a Yogi Bear’s Jellystone campground where my dad accidentally pitched our tent on top of a spider’s nest. In his defense, we arrived in the dark and had just narrowly escaped a group of angry pre-teens who didn’t appreciate our station wagon headlights shining on their outdoor Yogi movie.

I camped in a tent once or twice with my husband and spent one entire evening shaking through a severe lightening storm waiting for a tree to crush my skull. While admittedly not a huge fan of the tent camping, I love all that goes along with the full camping experience…hiking, biking, kayaking, bonfires, s’mores, Toby Keith, and Tanqueray. I wanted it all, and so began our camping evolution.

The tent retired into the basement and we bought a pop-up camper. Had some good times in that old Dutchman and even camped into Month 8 of my first pregnancy. God bless the Luggable Loo. A couple years went by and we splurged on a used hard-sided camper, which we still own today. We’ve blown all four tires, almost lost a side wall on the Interstate, smashed a window and cracked a water pipe. Time for an upgrade?

While a friend might (and does) argue that dining in supper clubs and having a private bathroom is not camping, it suits me just fine. That said, this past weekend when we took our not-so-trusty old camper to northern Wisconsin with the kiddos, I realized that maybe, just maybe, we have evolved a little too far.

What do you think? Too much?!

Lost & Found

I am not a lucky traveler. Usually it’s not my fault. Sometimes the landing gear won’t retract. Sometimes there is a smoke smell in the cockpit. Sometimes there is too much wind in Chicago. I can’t control these things. Yesterday was different. Yesterday I was a moron.

THURSDAY, JULY 12
7:00am. Checked out of my room in sunny Miami, left my suitcase with the bellman, walked to Starbucks for a much-needed jolt before a four-hour meeting.

7:15am. While paying for Venti Skinny Caramel Macchiato, I discovered that my AMEX and driver’s license were not in my wallet. Panicked knowing that I was flying home in a few hours.

7:30am. Provided hotel security guard with a good laugh when I asked if anybody had returned a driver’s license and American Express card. “Good luck, Lady.”

7:40am. Pulled suitcase back from bellman, opened it in the lobby and gently felt for the plastic while praying that my unmentionables didn’t fall out in front of hotel guests and far too many colleagues.

7:45am. Called my husband on his way to work, begged him to turn around and go home for my passport and e-mail a copy to me at the hotel.

8:30am. Stepped out of meeting to retrieve my passport copy and also request a copy of driver’s license from the DMV. Cancelled AMEX. Hotel Business Center rocks.

11:30am. Copy of driver’s license never arrived. DMV sucks.

11:45am. Slipped out of sandals and retraced my steps on a crowded beach thinking that just maybe the items fell out of my pocket on a walk the previous night.

12:00pm. Boarded shuttle to airport armed only with passport copy, bank statement copy, and debit cards.

12:30pm. Stepped up to the American Airlines counter, explained my situation and handed my passport copy to the ticket agent. “I don’t see a reservation for you, Miss Adsit.” Miss Adsit?! I haven’t been Miss Adsit for over eight years. I guess that was the last time I needed my passport. My passport sucks.

1:00pm. Entered into a private interrogation with an unfriendly TSA agent. What is your current address? What is the address where you lived nine years ago? What is the make and model of your current vehicle? What is the make and model of your previous vehicle? What is your husband’s name? What is your husband’s birth date? What was the date of your last menstrual cycle? Oh never mind, that was my doctor.

1:30pm. All questions answered correctly except the one from me…how the pickle do YOU know all of that information about ME?!

3:30pm. Boarded plane to Chicago. Asleep before take-off.

6:50pm. Boarded plane to Madison.

9:30pm. Boarded Tempur-Pedic® Memory Foam mattress.

FRIDAY, JULY 13
5:00pm. Quickly unpacked and tossed clothes from suitcase to laundry chute.

5:05pm. AMEX and driver’s license fly out together almost hitting me in the face.

I suck.

Word Girl prevails

I have a love/hate relationship with Alec Baldwin. On the one hand, I’m not so much a fan of listening to him call his 11-year-old daughter a “thoughtless pig” on her not-so-private voicemail. On the other hand, Baldwin’s Schweddy Balls skit on SNL helps rank him as my second all-time favorite host of the show (my heart belongs to Justin on that one). When Baldwin made news last week for being kicked off an American Airlines flight because he refused to turn off his cell phone while playing “Words with Friends,” the first word that came to my mind was moron. But a few days ago, I was invited to play my first game of “Words with Friends” and now I get it.

Words are my friends. They got me through four years of journalism school and a certain co-worker of mine has been known to call me “Word Girl” when she needs a good synonym. The mere thought of myself sporting a superhero cape and saving the world with my words is enough to rouse goosebumps!

While I don’t consider myself much of a gamer, I have enjoyed an action-packed Scrabble match in my day. “Words with Friends” is really just an online Scrabble match with people who don’t live in your house. So then why is it so much more addictive?!

It took 2.5 days to finish my first and only game. Granted, my opponent and I have busy lives and families, but we also calculated each move very carefully and I could literally feel the tension from 300+ miles away. I found myself playing under the kitchen table during breakfast and hiding around the corner at playtime. I even studied my game at a 6% incline on the treadmill while watching the Green Bay Packers do their thing. Now that’s multitasking at its best!

There were some exciting moments during this weekend game as well as some questionable word choices such as zee and fixit, played by my opponent. At one point, I was horrified to realize I had lost a turn when I swapped my letters and suddenly found myself 30 points behind. Several moves later, I pulled out a 33-point tween and was back in the game. Just when I thought the board was mine, my opponent won a 39-point brugh and become very cocky on the messenger, so I appropriately retaliated with a 30-point glib. In the end, this Word Girl brought it home.

What’s my next move? Mr. Baldwin, if you’re reading this, I would be super jazzed if you would accept my invitation to play a friendly match with yours truly. If you must fly, I might recommend trying Funjet…seems like they might better understand our predicament. Game on!

Roadtrip!

Up until last week, I had three good reasons to admire the prestige of a Cadillac:

1) There was the Caddy driven by my late Grandpa DiTorrice. I was too young to remember that gem, but the connection to my Grandpa automatically gives it street cred.

2) As a pre-teen, I dreamed of one day selling enough lipstick and rouge to earn myself a fancy pink Cadillac from the Mary Kay cosmetics company. Oh, how the neighbors would covet my ride!

3) Then there was that other pink Cadillac during my teen years in which I envisioned myself riding in the back and cruising down the street with Mr. Bruce Springsteen while the E Street Band followed close behind.

Last weekend I was presented with the keys to my very own 2012 black Cadillac to drive for a work trip to Minneapolis. I bragged to my husband, I tweeted my good fortune, and I even updated my Facebook page to reflect my cool new status. In the car, I explored everything from the double sunroof to the rear-view video display to the analog clock in the center panel that looked unusually elegant.

On Sunday afternoon, the roadtrip began. Almost five hours and a venti nonfat skinny mocha later, I realized that the Cadillac is really just a means of getting me from point A to point B…not that impressive, actually.

There’s just no denying that five hours in any car is going to cause bum pain. The type of vehicle you drive simply determines how pretentious you can be when describing the pain. I break it down as such:

  • Chevy Silverado: After five hours in my husband’s full-size extended cab pick-up truck, my ass hurts.
  • Honda Odyssey: After five hours in my kid friendly sky blue soccer mom minivan, my pooper aches.
  • 2012 Cadillac: After five hours in my fully loaded luxury sedan, my derrière is experiencing extreme discomfort.

In other words, it’s all the same to me. I don’t know what Grandpa D, Mary Kay, and the Boss think they knew about Cadillacs, but the next time I’m asked to visit Minneapolis, I’m going to check out cheaptickets.com and arrive in less than an hour.