I’m talking about real tools here. Man tools. There is an immediate rush of authority when you put your hands around a tool and with the push of a button realize that you could literally lose a limb if you slip. Sounds a little sadistic, but it’s actually very empowering for a woman whose previous power tool experience was limited to the dust buster and a steamer vac.
I got an early jump on two New Year’s Resolutions this year — remodel the bathroom and learn something new. Got my money’s worth out of that second one as I actually learned a few things about tools, men and anatomy.
1) Men keep us out of the garage because they don’t want us to know how fun it is to play with tools! The stiff backs and the sore knees are just a ruse to earn sympathy and a cold beer at the day’s end.
2) Don’t tell your Facebook friends that you need an “axe” to start demolition. It’s called a sledgehammer.
3) It’s not cool to get caught washing the crowbar with dish soap and hot water. No matter how sticky and gross it is, let it be.
4) While not very creative, the Sawzall is the most aptly named tool in the shed.
5) There is a muscle in your arm called the flexi carpi ulnaris. After swinging a hammer at wall and floor tile for several hours, this muscle gets very angry.
The bathroom demolition is now complete and the rebuilding has begun. As much as I enjoyed my day letting off steam by busting through old pink tiles, my manicure is a mess. I’ve decided to leave the drywall hanging and plumbing to my husband. I’ll be back when it’s time to choose a paint color and provide direction about where to hang the towel bar. That’s right, I’m a Foreman. On second thought, make that a Forewoman.